If I Had It to Do Over Again, I’d Hire A Doula.

The only thing that went as planned on Tuesday June 12th was the pancake breakfast at Village Inn. I ate a short stack with butter and maple syrup, relishing every bite.

As I headed home to enjoy the rest of my day off, I looked forward to house hunting with my father-in-law followed by lunch with Cory.

My pregnancy had been uneventful. So I naively expected my labor and delivery to follow suit.

What went wrong:

1. My water “broke” with a whimper, not a splash, resulting in a Pitocin drip that hampered all of my labor plans. Strapped to a monitor meant showers were out for me.

2. Trying to keep an open mind I didn’t have plans to use pain meds, but by the time I wanted, no, needed them, I was informed it was too late. That “window of opportunity” had been slammed shut.

4. I had wanted to push from a squatting position but was informed by the nurses that they were the experts and I would be pushing from a a prone position. Twenty hours into the ordeal, I was too exhausted to object.

5. Four hours of pushing later, I was informed that they’d be doing a C-section. Cory wept, but I have to tell you a little secret: I was relieved. I was spent and just wanted to be done with this business already.

I can’t help but wonder, nearly twenty years later, had I hired a doula to advocate for me, if my outcome would have been the same. Perhaps they would as my pelvis has been described as “stationary” and the chart shows a “failure to progress.”

But even if the C-section was inevitable, chances are I would have been in a much better frame of mind and would have felt more at peace about the whole process instead of feeling confused, guilt ridden and exhausted.

In addition to her duties as managing editor of Goodness and Portland Family Magazine, Mary Rarick couldn’t imagine life without her family, her girlfriends, Indian food, iced soy lattes and fabulous shoes. Her community involvement includes representing parents on Century High School’s Site Council and serving at her local food bank. Follow her blog on Portland Family Magazine and connect with her on Twitter.