Don't Call Me A Cougar

When people hear that my boyfriend is 12 years younger than I am, they usually slap me on the arm playfully and say, “You cougar!”  It’s all I can do not to smack those people right across the face. I realize this is just a catchphrase people find hilarious, but I think it’s so disrespectful. “Cougars” go out on the prowl in search of younger men, not serious relationships. That is so not me.

First of all, categorizing me as a cougar belittles our relationship and our commitment to each other. My boyfriend and I met during the most difficult time of my life. I was just beginning divorce proceedings. I didn’t know what would happen from one day to the next. On paper, I was probably any man’s nightmare. Not many guys would want to date a woman in her mid 30s who was in the midst of a tense divorce. Add to that two young kids (my sons were 6 and 2 at the time); I figured I wouldn’t get a date for a good, long time. What guy would want to listen to me wrangle custody arrangements with my ex? Who wants to deal with the emotional roller coaster that is divorce?

I’ll tell you who: my boyfriend. From the day we met, I knew he would be someone special in my life, but I also thought he’d just be a fun, transitional man for me. For all the reasons listed above, combined with his age, I figured we wouldn’t last more than a few weeks.  What I didn’t count on was his maturity, his understanding, his compassion, and his sense of humor. All of those things helped me through the early weeks of my separation. He represented everything I didn’t have but wanted: a man who was caring, kind, loving, fun, and, most importantly, he accepted me for whom I was and didn’t try to change me into whom he thought I should be. And once I felt the time was right, I introduced him to my sons. Slowly but surely, he built a relationship with each of them. He isn’t a parent to them; it’s more like he’s the older, fun buddy who plays video games with them, watches DVDs with them, makes them laugh, and shows them how much he loves their mother. He’s been a great influence on them and on me as well. I could not have asked for a better partner in life.

We have been together for a little over three years now, and I can say with all honesty that this is the best relationship I have ever had in my life. We ‘get’ each other, we would rather be with each other than anyone else, and he makes me laugh more than anyone on the planet. He continues to be a source of support, love, and kindness that I didn’t know was possible. He truly is the most wonderful person, and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t express that to him.

So don’t call me a cougar. If you must label me, here’s a word for who I am, where I am in my life, and how my guy makes me feel: complete.