Recently my wife went back to school and finished up a bachelor’s degree in psychology. She was thrilled. I was thrilled. Even the damn pets were thrilled. The party, however, ended abruptly when Nicole realized she was, with her still hot from the oven degree in hand, entering the most hostile job market in generations. That’s when she introduced an intriguing proposition. “Hey, how about I keep the kids at home for awhile? If I can’t get a job now, I might as well take them out of child care and be a stay-at-home mom.” This was coming from a woman who started her college career on an education degree track, but then realized she didn’t like kids. This was different though. These were our kids, and your own kids are always infinitely lovelier than other peoples’ kids.

Throughout Nicole’s stay-at-home adventure, we’ve learned a lot about her personality, our kids’ personalities and the realities of staying at home with kids. Here are some of the lessons we learned, starting with the cons. In part two we’ll cover the pros and at the end I’ll let you in on what eventually happened to Nicole and how staying at home (I've heard SAH parent is the term for those in the know) has worked out for her.

The Cons:

Loneliness

Workplaces feed you daily social interaction with adults that we probably all take for granted. Once their daily routine revolves around the kid(s), many stay-at-home parents find themselves isolated. Some turn their child into their best friend, which at times puts the child in a peculiar situation as mommy or daddy gradually engages Jr. in too grown-up talk.

Loss of Identity via Loss of Career

I personally try not to define myself by my work (there are just too many more important aspects of personality), but I cannot deny all of us in the workplace to some degree merge our work into our self-esteem and identity. When you break that source of identity off, you can definitely feel that loss. People also crave the positive feedback one gets from the workplace and approbation is not something you usually get out of a screaming toddler or diaper full of crap.

 Hard to Get Back to Work

Many parents find it’s tough to rejoin the job market after a sustained sabbatical.

You Can’t Provide the Activity and Socializing a Good Day Care/Preschool Can:

Hey, you’re a super stay-at-home parent. You go above and beyond the call of duty; you’re a total parenting rock star. Nonetheless, you still can’t compete with a child care program when it comes to activities and socializing. Good programs jam pack your child’s day with fun and educational projects. Also, you can’t underestimate the value of exposing your child to their peers on a daily basis. Interacting with other kids is essential for a child’s emotional and intellectual development. Yes, you can get them out of the house and around kids at the park, but you probably can’t offer them a whole class of kids working, playing and learning together every day.

Loss of Income

Yep, you do save money on child care when you keep the kids at home, but more likely than not that saved money isn’t as much as the income you lose by extracting yourself from work.

How About Losing 1 Million Dollars?

That's the amount economists say the stay-at-home parent who relinquishes a career may lose about $1 million over the years., when you factor in benefits and pensions. Yee-ouch!

Housework and Child Care Can Be Boring and Frustrating

Okay, hold your tomatoes, don’t throw them just yet. I’m not saying parenthood is boring, I’m just saying the diaper changing and tackling endless loads of laundry can be tedious and wearisome. A lot of this is about personality. I know women (and guys) who gain a great deal of satisfaction from mopping the floor and wiping noses. But just because other parents enjoy it doesn’t mean you must as well. You have to be honest with yourself.

Okay, enough doom and gloom. Let’s move on to the positives of staying home.

Click here for Part 2: The Pros