Balance Portland
Getting the strength I need to leave an abusive marriage
I have to believe that I am going through this so that some day I can help someone else. That, and my darling children are what is giving me the strength to finally leave my emotionally, and sometimes physically, abusive husband. It breaks my heart that I have brought my kids into this situation - they are 17 months (twins) and I am determined to get out before they ever have rememberance of what is happening. I also know that I have to stop thinking about regrets and face the future.
My husband and I have been together for 9 years - married for 3. He started emotionally abusing me after only a few months - yet I was young and I loved him and believed he could change. 9 years, countless breakups and reconciliations, and 2 children later - something inside of me has clicked and I've finally started listening to the voices in my head. I am finally strong enough to leave this person who makes me miserable - miserable to the point of somedays I can even bring myself to eat.
The problem is - he isn't accepting it. And I don't know why I should have expected him to. You can't reason with the unreasonable. I am counting the minutes until our counseling session in a few days - of which I am going to because he asked but with the hope that the counselor will be able to get through to him and make him realize that our marriage is over and that he actually doesn't have a choice in the matter.
I feel so mixed up in my own head. He twists things to such a degree that I can't even think straight. Every time I look at him, I think of his red, angry face when he tells me "You are a thankless whore" or "You are a failure as a person". Yet - he is still trying to convince me that he is trying to change. A few months ago - he ripped out a chunk of my hair while I held one of our children in my arms.
I am writing this because I need your words of encouragement. Anyone that has anything to say that may help build my strength - please say it. If you have ever been in my situation and have words of advice - please do tell.
I will keep you posted on the events as they come.
God Bless - and my optimism stay in your hearts.
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- 03/01/2010 - 04/25/2010
- 03/15/2010 - 05/31/2010
Comments
take care of yourself
I am praying to God that he will give you the strength that you need to realize that you are in a very bad situation. You need to get yourself and your babies out of there quickly. He will continue to make you belive that he is going to change, all the while continue to beat you up, emotionally and now physically. You can not take the risk of him physically hurting the kids. Please take care of yourself and your babies. Praying for you....
metin2yang
The furthest distance in the world Is not between life and death metin2 yangmetin2 yangBut when I stand in front of you Yet you don't know that I love you The furthest distance in the worldmetin2 yangmetin2 yang Is not when I stand in front of you Yet you can't see my love But when undoubtedly knowing the love from both Yet cannot be together metin2 yangmetin2 yangThe furthest distance in the worldIs not being apart while being in loveBut metin2 yangmetin2 yang when painly cannot resist the yearningYet pretending you have never been in my heartmetin2 yangmetin2 yangThe furthest distance in the worldIs not when painly cannot resist the yearningmetin2 yangmetin2 yangmetin2 yangyet pretending you have never been in my heartbut using one's indifferent heartTo dig an uncrossable riverFor the one who loves you
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