Balance Portland
Getting the strength I need to leave an abusive marriage
I have to believe that I am going through this so that some day I can help someone else. That, and my darling children are what is giving me the strength to finally leave my emotionally, and sometimes physically, abusive husband. It breaks my heart that I have brought my kids into this situation - they are 17 months (twins) and I am determined to get out before they ever have rememberance of what is happening. I also know that I have to stop thinking about regrets and face the future.
My husband and I have been together for 9 years - married for 3. He started emotionally abusing me after only a few months - yet I was young and I loved him and believed he could change. 9 years, countless breakups and reconciliations, and 2 children later - something inside of me has clicked and I've finally started listening to the voices in my head. I am finally strong enough to leave this person who makes me miserable - miserable to the point of somedays I can even bring myself to eat.
The problem is - he isn't accepting it. And I don't know why I should have expected him to. You can't reason with the unreasonable. I am counting the minutes until our counseling session in a few days - of which I am going to because he asked but with the hope that the counselor will be able to get through to him and make him realize that our marriage is over and that he actually doesn't have a choice in the matter.
I feel so mixed up in my own head. He twists things to such a degree that I can't even think straight. Every time I look at him, I think of his red, angry face when he tells me "You are a thankless whore" or "You are a failure as a person". Yet - he is still trying to convince me that he is trying to change. A few months ago - he ripped out a chunk of my hair while I held one of our children in my arms.
I am writing this because I need your words of encouragement. Anyone that has anything to say that may help build my strength - please say it. If you have ever been in my situation and have words of advice - please do tell.
I will keep you posted on the events as they come.
God Bless - and my optimism stay in your hearts.
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take care of yourself
I am praying to God that he will give you the strength that you need to realize that you are in a very bad situation. You need to get yourself and your babies out of there quickly. He will continue to make you belive that he is going to change, all the while continue to beat you up, emotionally and now physically. You can not take the risk of him physically hurting the kids. Please take care of yourself and your babies. Praying for you....
metin2yang
The furthest distance in the world Is not between life and death metin2 yangmetin2 yangBut when I stand in front of you Yet you don't know that I love you The furthest distance in the worldmetin2 yangmetin2 yang Is not when I stand in front of you Yet you can't see my love But when undoubtedly knowing the love from both Yet cannot be together metin2 yangmetin2 yangThe furthest distance in the worldIs not being apart while being in loveBut metin2 yangmetin2 yang when painly cannot resist the yearningYet pretending you have never been in my heartmetin2 yangmetin2 yangThe furthest distance in the worldIs not when painly cannot resist the yearningmetin2 yangmetin2 yangmetin2 yangyet pretending you have never been in my heartbut using one's indifferent heartTo dig an uncrossable riverFor the one who loves you
To Optimism
I was in your situation. I could say lots of things right now, but most importantly...get away! I am sitting here telling you this by the grace of God only. Nearly two years ago I was looking down the barrel of a revolver brandished by my now ex-husband of 9 years. I tried to tell him for a couple of years that I wanted out, but stayed (in separate rooms) for the sake of my children. I felt alone and he had convinced me I would lose my kids if I left him. It didn't seem like I could support myself. I tried to look at the "reality" of the situation but I was being manipulated. The problem with manipulators is that they will stop at nothing to get their way. I too went to counseling with him and the counselor saw right through what he was doing to me. My situation ended up with a brutal night of my ex "convincing" me that I was not going to leave him. He is serving 14 years in prison for that night two years ago.
I have learned that I can make it on my own. There is help out there for your situation. You will survive. Don't wait and let it get bad like I did. Turn to your friends or family. In my situation I had a helpful neighbor that took my kids and I in. In the absence of that there are many other places such as Raphael House that can help you get away. I also believe that my situation happened for a reason. I hope that me taking the time to share it with you will help you know that you can do it!
a resourse for women in abusive relationships
As the commenter above mentioned,the Raphael House is a good resource for women in your position. Here is their website: http://raphaelhouse.com/
Everyone here wishes you the best. Don't hesitate the reach out for help.
I'm a domestic violence
I'm a domestic violence counselor. I guarantee you, that you need to see a domestic violence counselor or someone who is trained in this type of counseling.
Leaving is the most dangerous time. Don't just pack up and leave. You're going to have to plan things out and have a safety plan in order. You may want to keep these things to yourself because, like I said, leaving is the most dangerous time and the physical violence increases and so does your chance of being killed.
Domestic Violence Resource Center (DVRC) has a shelter for DV survivors. It's in an undisclosed location. You stay until you find some place to live and work. The DVRC also has counseling services for DV survivors and their children. It is a free service. FREE. This is because it's a non-profit organization. I worked there at one point and highly recommend going or at least checking it out. The website is www.dvrc-or.org. The number is 503.640.5352.
Here's another suggestion. If your husband physically harms you in front of the children, or if your children are in the house (even in their room), you need to call the police because if you don't, Department of Human Services considers this neglect to your children and your children may be taken away from you. Keyword being MAY. They investigate these things.
Let me know if you have any questions or need advice.
Hoping you're already safe
I see that this was posted originally several months ago, so hopefully you have already left and that you are safe and happy.
However, if you are still in that situation, I want to let you know that you are not alone. I went through 13 years of similar circumstances. When I finally left him for good, we were living in Central Oregon and I told him that I was moving back to Portland. He still didn't get it....thought I was just homesick and that we would still be "together" as a couple, but living apart for awhile. Making the move was the best thing I ever did. I don't know if that is an option for you or not, but I think putting some distance between you is the best thing to do, if you can.
I wish you all the best and will be praying for you and your children.
Hope this helps......
I too was in an abusive relationship, I was married/living with him for 16 years. Actually he left to Texas for the summer, like he always did and decided to take the 2 oldest children. My parents also went to Texas and brought my kids home after a month, that is when he called and I told him I didn't want him to come back to the house I had the locks changed and all. It has been 5 years since that call...and he still has not changed he still tries to play those mind games, it just doesn't. Yes, i agree with Kemma71 if there is distance between the 2 that is the best, but not always the choice you have, so make sure that you start going to Domestic Violence Counselor so that they can help you make a plan to get out or let you know of some services that can help. In my situation, I have had my ups and downs financially and also getting my kids adjusted and in counseling, but one thing that never changed since the day he left is he is not the one making the choice for me to be happy or sad or angry. I make my own choice to be happy no matter how my day goes I am so much happier and safer without him & so are my children. It has been rough for me & my kids but having family and friends to support emotionally is the best.
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