Naughty Behavior

I am no expert; however, I know that being frank and open with children can really help difficult situations. Often parents may think, "they are too young, they wont understand." So, they dumb down the reality when speaking with their kids. Try being straight up and open. I always hated it when my folks were not open with me. Make sure they know the topic is open for discussion anytime. Moreover, highlight the positives. "I am working hard now so you can have some of the things you want later." Does your child want things you cannot afford? Let them know, that with some sacrifice today things will be in better reach in the near future. I can also see some benefit from bringing them on campus. Buy them a snack, hangout with them and show them how great campuses can be (heck, play hooky and make it a special day for you both). In this case, they will be able to see what you do, maybe gain some appreciation and, perhaps, set the seed for their own goals to make it to college. Best of luck.

I've worked as a behavior specialist with children for quite awhile now, and in that time have learned that when big changes like this occur, challenging behaviors can occur primarily because of two reasons:

1) He is afraid of the unknown. This is a big change, and he may not be fully aware of how it's going to change his life.

2) He's afraid that this new change will mean you won't have enough time for him.

The first thing you can do is continue talking with him about why you're doing this, and speaking realistically about what he can expect over the next few years while you go to school. Let him know that you won't be home as often but that makes your time together even more special.

Try sitting down and doing your homework together! This will make him feel like he's a part of your "new life," and emphasize that you now have something extra in common.

Make sure you designate at least 15 minutes of one-on-one time with him each day. You're probably doing this anyway, but are fitting it in between housework and homework, which may make him feel like an afterthought. You can still fit in this time between housework and homework, but let your son know that this time is special by announcing it. "Ok, are you ready for our very special Mom and Son time?!!" Make a big deal out of it. Let him know how special he is to you, and let him choose how he wants to spend this time (or give him a few options if you're worried he'll think of something you don't have the time or money to do).

With all the new changes, he's probably feeling a little lost and out of control. Make sure to counteract this effect by giving him some control and independence in other areas. Involve him in choosing dinner entrees for the next week, or let him pick an activity to do on the weekends.

Your son is probably also going to have to take on more responsibility now. Maybe he has to help you with extra chores. Maybe he has to play more on his own. He's probably feeling this extra responsibility, and it's helpful to make this positive by marking it as a step toward growing up. You can symbolize this by throwing a spontaneous growing-up party, or having him help redecorate his room with "grown up" stuff. You might try buying something that "big kids" have, or taking him out on a grown-up activity. If you're low on resources, just have a grown-up dinner! Set the table, light some candles, use your best plates and tablecloth, cook his favorite dinner, get some sparkling apple cider, and everyone in the family can toast to your son, telling him what they like best about his grown-up self.

To sum up, your son is probably acting out because he's afraid. He's afraid to lose you, and afraid of the new changes. Demystify the changes, create some special time, and give him a little control in what probably feels like a very chaotic situation for him.

Good luck!